Friday, January 19, 2007

On health and well-being

Took Hailey to the hospital this morning. The doctor said he'd looked at her x-rays and she does NOT need surgery (insert sigh of relief here), just a cast for 3 weeks. So that's on there now, from above her elbow to her wrist, and she's doing marvellously well with it. She can even lift her arm over her head now, which makes dressing and undressing her much easier. Not a tear was shed, she's still being a real little trooper. When the staff at the hospital asked her how it happened, she still said, "I don't bemember," (that's not a typo, just a transcription of the way she talks), although she has said more than once that she hurt it on her toys.

My dad was here for a couple of days, since taking care of the three of them on my own with Hailey's broken arm was just a bit more than I could take. Since retiring from a bank, Dad has worked for himself and was able to take a couple of days to come help me out, which I appreciate more than I can say (I don't know if my parents or sister read this blog but if you do, tell Dad again how much that meant to me).

I spoke with my grandmother tonight. Mom's been telling me how much better she sounds but tonight she was coughing a lot again. She says she feels much better other than the cough, so I suppose that's an improvement. She will get the results of her biopsy on Monday, so Mom is going to visit and take her to the appointment, which is necessary since my grandmother doesn't drive. (I told Hailey today that Mimi never learned how to drive, and she said, "You can show her." Sweet little clueless thing)

I could fill a paragraph or two with details of Rylee's sleep patterns lately, but even I'm getting sick of reading about that. Suffice to say I have learned to avoid caffeine, and when I do, she sleeps quite well.

I was reading a friend's blog and a particular post about weight loss. It got me thinking - why DO I want to lose 10 more pounds? Is it for health? to look better? to look a particular way? because I think I'm not attractive if I don't? because I think my husband won't find me attractive? I haven't really come up with an answer yet. Mostly I felt good about how I looked before I got pregnant with Rylee, and would like to have that feeling again. But do I really need to lose 10 pounds to feel that way? I'm not sure. Women who are comfortable with and confident in their bodies can be attractive no matter what their size. Maybe I just need to accept the way I look and start telling myself how fabulous I am.

I think a big part of why I want to lose the weight is I hate looking pregnant when I'm not. When I was pregnant, I was happy to advertise the fact to the world, and felt really good about how I looked. But now, when I'm not pregnant, it's different. And I do still look pregnant because most of what I'm carrying around is around my middle. This is partly not excess weight, but untoned abdominal muscles, thanks to having them sliced open for the third time since mid-2002 (3, count 'em, 3 c-sections)

I don't know if I'm unhealthy - I don't think so. As I said, the way I look is as much loss of muscle tone as it is extra weight. And I'm still nursing Rylee, so there's some extra weight there that won't go away until I stop nursing. As it is, the amount of extra weight I have is not excessive, so I doubt I'm running any serious health risks at this point.

As I said, I don't have an answer yet. It's interesting to think about, though.

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